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Posted February 17, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Since pretty much the dawn of recorded history, men whose cuckolding fantasy cheated on them have been ridiculed, demeaned, and made to feel weak, inferior, even contemptible. Still, inasmuch as this post is devoted exclusively to delineating the various reasons so many men salaciously imagine —rather than act out — fantasies of their partner's having sex and wild, no-holds-barred sex at that! Like so many other authors, Ley agrees that wife-sharing fantasies are quite common. Routinely, however, when sex therapists respond to these worrisome anxieties, they hasten to assure them that, no, rarely are such fantasies anything to be disturbed about—while at the same time proposing any of explanations as to what, innocently, may be driving their unorthodox imaginings.
One last caveat here. My sole concern here is examining what motivates these illicit fantasies. And I hardly need to add here that in virtually every case, these imaginings are watched, read about, or pictorially viewed during the act of solo sex i. Too many other emotions i. And with a super-stud aggressively thrusting his oversized penis into whatever orifice cuckolding fantasy has to offer him.
Consider, too, that once a romantic relationship has been domesticated, much of its original luster may have become tarnished. Many men freely admit that in their lovemaking, getting their wives aroused through extended foreplay is every bit as exciting as their getting aroused themselves. And this may be a lot more descriptive of men in their 30s, 40s, and beyond than in those whose " hormonal itch" is so strong that they feel compelled to complete the act as soon as possible.
Cuckolding fantasy is a fantasy depicting an id unchained, liberated from the ever-moderating, ever self-censoring, super-ego —which, by definition, is obliged to rein it in. And in this respect, see my post on why many women deliberately choose to turn themselves on through conjuring up titillatingly tailored scenes of being raped. And many writers have linked cuckold fantasies to this well-known aberration.
Still, such fantasies can, however paradoxically, be empowering for the fantasizer—even as they comprise a culturally shameful theme. This is not the place to psychoanalyze why conjuring up something physically or emotionally painful or degrading could for some males be a tremendous turn-on. Totally in charge of their fantasy, even the masochistic elements of their make-believe are brought under control. However deviant or pathological it might seem, it affirms something core to their sexual sense of self.
Writing about his sexually-oriented interviews with men, Ley claims that more than half admitted that their bisexuality played a role in their cuckolding fantasy for their wife to have sex with another male. For whatever about the fantasy is most arousing for him is what defines its sexual meaning and motive. They may not be particularly laudable, but they do warrant being seen as normal. So, finally, taking the opportunity to make a woman privy to such imaginings becomes a matter of judgment Seltzer, Ph. All rights reserved. I invite readers to me on Facebook and Twitter.
Leon F. He holds doctorates in English and Psychology. His posts have received over 45 million views. Leon F Seltzer Ph. Evolution of the Self. Fantasizing your wife having sex with another man—why is it such a turn-on? Sex Essential Re. About the Cuckolding fantasy. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help.
Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. Essential Re.Cuckolding fantasy
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