Added: Shaquita Nellis - Date: 11.08.2021 18:37 - Views: 42551 - Clicks: 6178
Apologies in advance for the wall of text. So to get it out of the way, I don't have any sexual experience to speak of, let alone any in this particular area, so be mindful of everything that comes with that. The idea of being a sub is really exciting for me, but in normal, everyday life I have some pretty strong views and I can be exceptionally stubborn and proud. So my first question is: how do you reconcile these two contrasting personality traits?
Not to mention, the guy on the blog talked about his subs crying every time they enter into such a state, which didn't really strike me as healthy. Secondly, I'm a really shy and reserved person and I don't feel like I'd be inclined towards any PDA's or anything I don't feel comfortable with them on anyone, hetero or homo, and I dislike this aspect of Pride parades as well I can't really think of anything that would be more embarrassing for me, personally.
And, as the sub, it wouldn't really be my decision to make, would it? I ask this mainly because people in general very much think less of submissive guys as a rule - let alone blatantly devoted submissiveness on this level. A lot of them seem more than willing to stereotype and dismiss like the rest of the world if bottom-shaming exists, then I can only imagine what people think of subs.
There's also the stereotypical links to effeminacy and weakness, which I'm already trying to distance myself from. Thirdly, I have a really hard time trusting anyone. Take that as a symptom of my lack of world gay dom and sub if you want, but I just can't imagine completely putting yourself in someone else's hands like that. I imagine it's not easy for people who have a normal level of trust in others, let alone people who are more reserved.
So how do you manage it? Fourth and finally, the topic of self-esteem. Side-note: I'm aware I'm basically a walking stereotype of the shy, withdrawn, naive gay kid with social anxiety, but I'm trying to overcome all that. I've always had trouble with self-esteem, and now even more so that my gym-going isn't yielding great.
So as someone who struggles with their image and their sense of worth as it is, I can't imagine coping with having my entire self-worth based on another person. I mean, as a sub you're basically viewed as more of a possession than a partner, right? So I'm guessing the answers to all of gay dom and sub will revolve around 'you'll be fine when you grow up and get some experience', but I don't know.
I guess I'm curious more than anything and am having a hard time picturing vanilla old me in such an extreme relationship. Does this dynamic bleed into other areas of your life? And if so, how would you deal with that as a private kind of guy?
If I offended anyone with my lack of insight, it obviously wasn't intended and I apologise in advance. And if it needed clarifying, I was talking about a monogamous relationship involving a single Dom and his Sub I feel like anything more complex would be completely overwhelming at this point. Thanks for the enlightening reply. I must admit I was thinking it was a bit more extreme than the picture you're painting probably as a result of porn filling in the blanks of actual information. I realise a lot of my naivete is showing with regards to relationship basics, so sorry for wasting a bit of time with that.
Thanks, I was wondering about this. It sounds a lot closer to home if it's just a bedroom kind of thing It does raise a question for me, though. If it's not a 'live by rules' all the time deal, and there aren't any hardcore bondage elements like you mentioned with the crosses and the whipping and whatnot How far does the dynamic go in this case, and how far does it go for the majority of couples? I know these are vague questions, so I'm sorry on that front.
Yeah, I didn't really mean that. I was just asking how you can reconcile an otherwise proud public personality with a sub private one.
My only piece of advice is this: being a sub doesn't mean you're required to be submissive in all areas of your life, unless that's what you want. Look for someone who wants a sub in the bedroom and an equal in the relationship. Thanks, that's a really concise way of saying exactly what I want. I realise now it doesn't have to be all in or none in Though I suppose it's more like a person-by-person basis and relationships can grow and whatnot, so it's pointless trying to guess.
Thanks for the reply. There's a bit more to it than that. I'm speaking from the perspective of someone who's gay dom and sub the dom in relationships like this, and probably will be again in the future. A good sub is not a mindless doormat, he's competent and level-headed. He's capable of making decisions on his own. The difference is that for any decision he makes, he should put the interests of the relationship first and keep in mind what his dom would want him to do. Consider it a personal project. Proud is fine, but stubborn and prideful are not good characteristics.
Treat your dom like you'd treat your boss at work. Don't hesitate to express your thoughts and opinions, but do so respectfully. If it does bleed into other areas of your life, it'll be a good thing. With that said, power dynamics in relationships are actually pretty normal, so it basically just looks like I'm the "head" of the household.
With that said, other people have more intrusive dynamics calling your dom "Sir" everywhere, gaudy collars, making him explicitly ask permission for things like using the bathroom -- personally, I think that's a bit inappropriate. You shouldn't make it a giant initial leap. Doms need to earn trust, same as any other partner.
Trust is built over time and he'll earn it by respecting you and your boundaries. I don't really understand this one. All relationships are about interdependence. Still, you shouldn't be completely dependent on him. So probably the latter. Just bedroom and some outside elements. That's an interesting take on it.
Sounds kind odd, in that a first mate still has some measure of authority over a crew whereas the sub doesn't really have any, but I suppose you can only stretch an analogy so far. Yeah, that's where porn and erotica have really been leading me astray.
They don't provide a nuanced view of the dynamic at all, so I thought it was either all gay dom and sub nothing. Hmmm, also an interesting take on things. It's kind of interesting that the relationship can have so many aspects. Would you say it provides a greater level of depth than a vanilla relationship, or simply a different kind of depth? Ah, I see. It's nice to know that the dynamics of the household don't have to differ greatly from the norm.
Hmmm, yeah I don't know about that either. I wouldn't mind collars and harnesses in bed maybebut outside? Don't think so. Thanks for further elaborating on the different aspects. It's hard to get a clear picture, especially considering my inexperienced perspective.
Nice to know I'm not the only one wondering. Which side of the coin would you prefer, Dom or Sub? First, relax. You've put a lot of thought into something that you may or may not like in the real world.
You can explore your sub nature within the confines of a vanilla relationship and then gradually increase the level of intensity as you get more experience. I can't respond to every question as I'm on my cell, so I'll just say, start slowly with an ordinary partner. Once you've been with a few guys it will become a lot clearer for you just how to take it to the next level, and how you can reconcile your stubborn nature with this desire to be a sub. Hah, sorry if I came off a bit intense. It's just been gay dom and sub my mind a lot and it's frustrating to not be able to try it out.
Sorry to drag this offtopic of your reply, but it's frustrating that I immediately take this term to be demeaning. Damn social conditioning. True, I do get that. I'm just trying to get a better picture of the whole thing to see if I'm really interested, or if it's exciting in a foreign way. I partake in the bedroom as a release from running a tight ship at home, as do a lot of others who might have stressful jobs and whatnot. You only hear about the more extreme end of the scale subspace and such because it's more different and out there, I'd say most couples have some kind of push-pull dynamic with different aspects of their lives without the paddles and chains.
Main thing, if you want that type of relationship there's no need to your life away and perpetually be someone's bitch, there's a pretty big spectrum between being vanilla and full submission. Yes, that's exactly it. That's the biggest element that's completely missing from all the porn and erotica and the blogs, and that was my gay dom and sub concern. Though being used and abused could be an interesting fantasy when the mood strikes, it's not something I'd be at all interested in as a lifestyle or a consistent role-play kind of thing.
Should've known better to take porn without a grain of salt, but ah well. Now that I think about it, I'd have an easier time than I thought submitting to a guy I already had strong respect for. By that point in the relationship, I expect pride shouldn't be as much of an issue anyway. I think of it as giving my submission over to him, that it's something he has to earn.Gay dom and sub
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