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For many parents, the idea of spanking their child is abhorrent.

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And yet, about a quarter of parents do it—despite a pile of evidence that it's the wrong approach. By Bonnie Schiedel November 5, His son and daughter, aged three and five, were bickering in another room.

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He hollered for them to come and see him—planning only to give them a talking-to—and when his son entered the room, his eyes were fearful, his play-spanking were on his behind and he was standing as far as he could from his dad. And so, starting when his kids were around three, spankings were the occasional punishment for behaviour like reaching for the stove or tearing up a book.

Over time, though, he admits that he was spanking less as a deliberate disciplinary strategy and more out of anger, and as often as several times a month.

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Play-spanking started feeling crappy about it. And, as LeSauvage discovered, spanking can also leave parents feeling terrible and affect their relationships with their. InElizabeth Gershoff, a professor of human development and family sciences at the University of Texas at Austin, conducted a meta-analysis that carefully analyzed all the studies that had been done.

The result? Recent Canadian studies back up these findings, too. Researchers at the University of Ottawa published findings in that looked at more than 5, kids over a two-year period and found that those who were spanked when they were two and three years play-spanking were less ready for school in terms of vocabulary, math and literacy skills when they were four and five.

In this case, physical punishment was a risk factor that often worked in tandem with other parenting behaviourssuch as being less likely to read with their children and less likely to explain why their behaviour was a problem. She did so with her oldest four kids but eventually realized that spanking made her feel like she was a toddler, reacting in frustration. We have an almost primitive gut response to that feeling of play-spanking out of control and feeling blocked in our goals, and it can quickly elicit aggression, she says. Guilt and regret are very common among parents who spank their children.

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What if you never spank out of anger? She tested the idea in two different ways: by talking to families in six different countries outside of North America in the first study and by talking to white, black, Latino and Asian-American families in the United States in the second play-spanking. The ?

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In some cases, people might feel hesitant to talk about spanking with immigrant parents when spanking is part of their culture. Jean Tinling is the director of family programs at Mosaic Newcomer Family Resource Network, a community organization in Winnipeg that offers services for new Canadians, many of whom come from countries where physical discipline for kids is par for the course. Parents learn that discipline is about teaching, and that kids have a right to learn without being hurt physically or emotionally. So far, though, the spanking law is still on the books. LeSauvage still feels bad about spanking his kids, who are now 10 and 12, and his son continued to be scared of being spanked for a couple of years after it stopped.

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Here‘s Literally Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Spanking